Session 3: Merry Go-Round

When I was six years old, I got on a merry-go-round with the neighborhood kids while a parent of one of the kids pushed the merry-go-round faster and faster and everyone shrieked with glee.

Everyone except me.

I was too young to understand all about motion sickness or weak stomachs. I just knew that as soon as the merry-go-round started spinning, I wanted to stop. I held on to the nearest bar, my cheeks stretched out with g-force winds, tears leaping into my eyes as I looked around and the other kids cheered. About 30 seconds into the ride, I had had enough. "Stop!" I screamed. "Please, please stop!" Everyone groaned. The father pushing the ride sighed audibly.

As soon as I got off, I wanted back on. My brother and sister were having fun, the other kids were obviously enjoying themselves, and I was missing out. "It's not scary," they insisted, sure that my reticence was due to fear instead of nausea. They convinced me, even. 

This time I can do it. Just be strong. Grit your teeth and you'll survive. I  talked myself into getting back on the ride. The father pushing the circle of death did not want to let me back on, but I begged. "You can't back out," he warned. "I won't. I can do it!" I promised. This time I barely lasted 10 seconds. As soon as the swirling circle began spinning round and round, I knew I wouldn't survive. I imagined what the centrifugal force would do to my vomit (although I had no knowledge of physics at that age, I was sure it wouldn't be pretty), so I screamed for it to stop again. This time I was told I would not be let back on the ride. I stumbled away nauseously and agreed.

You can't will away motion sickness. I learned this lesson again and again at amusement parks through the years. My weak stomach would also remind me of this often during my drinking years.

The problem is, these days I can't yell "stop." Everything spins and I have to hold on, but there's no stopping the ride, just adapting.

Not that it's all bad. In fact, I got quite a surprise this week when I took a risk and bet on a cruise on a penny auction site and got home to find out I had won the 5-day cruise to the Bahamas. For a girl who hasn't experienced excitement in a while -- contentment but not excitement -- and who has come to accept the work, sleep, clean, work again monotony, this could not have come at a better time. I need this right now.

A screenshot of my win (username: rampantglo):

Now, of course, I have two months until I have to wear a swimsuit. And I have to find a way to Jacksonville where the boat departs. And I have to make sure I am caught up enough on work to be able to take a week off.

Still, I think if I can just hang on, I'll enjoy this part of the ride.