Yesterday, I talked myself into keeping with this diet, although admittedly I had set my sights lower with a goal of 21 days instead of 30. Today, I quit.
What happened to last night's motivation? Where has my personal cheerleader gone? Good question. All I know is that this morning I woke up with an overwhelming sadness, and tears have been threatening a kamikaze mission all morning, even as I type this sentence. As I wrote in a text to my mom letting her know I had failed, that her constant support and encouragement could not overpower my failure instincts, "I handled the hunger, but I couldn't handle the sadness."
Of course, I used to handle this sadness all the time. Before I submitted to a daily dose of 75 mg of Sertraline (Zoloft), days like today were the norm. Sadness was always sneaking up on me, hiding behind a corner in wait, always nearby if not already present. But since I began using antidepressants, I thought this type of no-reason-for-it-but-still-can't-control-it sadness was a distant memory.
Admittedly, the diet wasn't easy. I was trying the HCG diet, a miracle diet or a controversial fad, depending on who you talk to. Drops of HCG under the tongue three times a day, and a diet of 500 calories which could only be made up by a handful of allowed foods. I have personally known several people who had great success on this diet. 20-30 pounds lost, no problem. "No hunger," many website posts exclaim, and "I've never had more energy!"
Not me. I've been hungry for the last 12 days. I have had little energy, and have to take a lot of naps. And now, the sadness.
Adding to the sadness is the knowledge that my goals -- losing weight before my cruise in a month -- are now in jeopardy. And I've let down people that believe in me. But at least I'm consistent, right?
Weight gain is one of the few problems my body doesn't have, so take this as advice from someone who cares about you and wants to help, but might not know what he is talking about. I think restricting intake to 500cal/day is setting yourself up for failure, especially if you are prone to depression and lack of energy. It seems like the progression should be over-eating -> average-eating -> healthy-eating -> eating lean, not over-eating -> starving. Does Nick help? If not, you should impress upon him how much you would appreciate him augmenting your willpower.
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